Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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