there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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