eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want nice things and good sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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