My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
