Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
