dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
