I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
