i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
