I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
