Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Randomize
