you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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