did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
