Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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