I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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