he was CRYING into my vagina
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
