If that was your dad, he is hot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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