Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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