Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
