why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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