I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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