Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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