I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
