how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
