I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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