Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
