Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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