this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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