Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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