____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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