You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
