Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Found the puke drawer
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
