What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
