I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
