I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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