I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
