is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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