Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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