i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
