she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
