At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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