You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
