you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
