It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
