were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
