In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
