my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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