I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
