I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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