the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
