The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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