Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
