I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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