I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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