your thong is hanging out like whoa
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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