my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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