you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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