also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
