I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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