I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
