Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My dad is sitting where you rode me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
