One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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