I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
