I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
