I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize