We're facebook friends in real life
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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