I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
