Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
