Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
