I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
